Your life doesn't have to be a checklist

Every time I open Facebook, there seems to be a new Thought Catalog article titled 20 things to do before you turn eighteen, 15 places to see before you die, or 10 things you MUST do in your twenties. Now don’t get me wrong—I’m all for bucket lists. But do we really need them at such a young age? I feel like we’re accepting that death is imminent, which of course it is, but why do we have to think that way while we have so much life left in us? I don’t know about you, but I’m living and not dying. I plan on completing a bucket list one day, but I firmly believe that bucket lists are for when you grow old and have a list of things you were too busy to experience while you were young.

I’m twenty. God forbid something goes wrong; I have at least seventy years to do everything I’ve ever dreamt of doing. Here’s the thing: I could have died at birth, but God had other plans for me. I’ll never forget the assignment I had during my freshman English class where we had to ask an adult what motivates them. I asked my dad because he always seems to have sassy answers to questions like this. For example, I imagined him responding, “A cold Manhattan poured by my lovely, eldest daughter at the end of a torturous workday.” His actual response to me was more than I could have ever imagined and is now the basis of how I live my life day to day:

“Having been born with an essentially fatal heart condition, the thing which has inspired me has been the thought often expressed by Grandma Peggy and Grandpa Paulie—God saved me for a special purpose. So I tend to look at the challenges and opportunities in my life as things which I am, for some unknown reason, uniquely chosen to take on.”

I was speechless when my dad sent me this response. I was so inspired that I saved the email, copied it into a Word document and took a screenshot to leave on my desktop. My dad and I have always had the same work ethic: on the outside while we’re lounging on the couch watching the Red Sox we look like the laziest father/daughter combination you’ve ever seen. But when it comes down to it, we are two extremely passionate people about our work, our friends, our family and our hobbies (don’t ask me how dad is so passionate about computer programming—but, to each his own).

Besides being passionate, my dad and I both know that we’re here for special purposes—even if we don’t quite understand why. Now, I’m not saying you have to have a near death experience to realize that you’re here for a reason. I look around and see so much talent at my school, and I saw so much passion at L.L.Bean this past summer. Every person I meet is here for a reason—whether it’s for programming computers, traveling the world to help people in need, teaching children who struggle to learn or fulfilling their dream by dancing on Broadway.

Each of us has the potential to live from the second we wake up to the second we go to bed. So I say live today like you’re living—not by following a list of things that you must do before your twenty-first birthday. Your heart is beating, your brain is dreaming and your soul is full of passion. If you’re not dead, you’re young—you have endless time and countless possibilities every single day. And regarding that list of the 15 places you must visit before you die? Well, I hope you get to visit every single one of them—but please don’t forget to live in the meantime.

A note about endless love

“And he’ll be like a book you read long ago. If you trust that—if it’s meant to be, then it will be again. And if it’s not, you will wake up one day and realize that you haven’t even thought of him once. And then you’ll be free.” – Endless Love

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Spoiler Alert: In Endless Love, the couple is madly in love (duh), then they let each other go but eventually end up together. In my twenty years of life I’ve met countless girls who hope their breakups will end up like this, that the boy they want back so badly will mend their broken heart—I’m guilty of it too.

We all have one person in our life who will forever have a place in our heart that no one else can fill. It doesn’t matter if you fall in love a hundred times after you let go of the one who meant the most—he’ll still have that piece of your heart that you can’t get back even if you tried. He’ll drift in and out of your life without warning, mess with your emotions and make you question your sanity—but at the end of the day, you hope to get it right with him.

Maybe getting it right means falling back in love, or maybe it means having a civil relationship where you can still bring yourself to say hello without your voice cracking and your heart breaking. You let him have a million chances, even when some people in your life don’t even get two. You’d never give up on him because even though you want to hate him so badly for breaking you, you truly do love him and love having him in your life.

You know it’s a mistake to keep him in your life because you risk falling back in love, but you still keep him by your side—ready to call or text at any waking moment. As much as you hate to admit it, he’s the basis of what you look for in others. Whether it be other love interests or just casual friendships, there are qualities in his endless love that you will forever desire.

You can fight for hours and be laughing the next time you talk. Even if you’ve both moved on, nothing will hurt you more than seeing each other hurt. You’d stand by him through anything if he asked you to. He’ll be your safety net and your friends will tell you to drop him from your life because he doesn’t deserve you. But the truth is, did either of you ever really deserve each other?

You were almost too perfect for each other—so perfect that it was inevitable that things would fall apart. You swore to each other that you’d always be there for each other, and that’s why you won’t let go. You don’t break promises and you know he doesn’t either. It doesn’t matter if it’s two in the morning and he’s with his new girlfriend—if you need him, he’ll be there. And the same goes for him, and he knows that. Your friends may never understand, but you won’t think twice about accepting his phone call after he’s ignored you for three weeks. You tell your friends you’re sick of his games and lies but when it comes down to it, you can’t wait to ask him how his day was.

You want only the best for him, even if you aren’t always part of it. His accomplishments still make you proud after all this time and you love watching him grow from a careless boy into a thoughtful man. Knowing him has made you a better person and you’re thankful for every memory you’ve had with him—good and bad.

One day he may introduce you to his one and only and you’ll hold your pride and wish him the best. It’s not what you wanted, of course. You’ve been dreaming about a future that you don’t know exists. You hold on to that string of hope in the back of your mind that you’ll get it right. You’ll love him until the day you decide that you’ve had enough—and then you’ll be free. 

25 things that make me happy (in no particular order)

1. My best friends

2. Spaghetti and meatballs

3. Tanlines

4. The color pink

5. Gossip Girl

6. Gel manicures

7. Bean boots

8. Studying abroad

9. Family get-togethers

10. Red Sox games

11. Puppies

12. A fully charged phone

13. Fielder’s Choice ice cream

14. Late night drives

15. Muddy toes

16. Soft Vineyard Vines t-shirts

17. Readfield, ME

18. Taylor Swift albums

19. Frozen yogurt

20. Readfield United Methodist Church

21. The view from Kents Hill ski hill

22. Good hair days

23. L.L.Bean flannel shirts

24. Savannah, GA

25. Caramel Apple Spice at Starbucks

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In such a busy world we sometimes forget to stop and remember the things that truly make us happy. I’m not talking about long, thought-out explanations of happiness and what it means, but simple things that make us happy no matter what (yes, the Red Sox make me happy even when they lose---which is often.)

I’ve come to realize that I’m blessed to have this life and I fully intend on waking up happy every day, ready to experience anything the day throws at me. I challenge you to make a list of twenty-five things that make you happy. Once you've done that, go out and enjoy them. 

Saying goodbye... For now

We have ten more days until spring quarter is over. Ten more days of finals stress, packing, seeing friends one last time, and enjoying life in Savannah. Some of us will stay for the summer, but others, including me, will go home. Last year I went home for the summer, knowing I would be back in mid-September to see all of my friends once again. This year, it’s different, and definitely sad to say goodbye. I’ll be going to SCAD Hong Kong in the fall, and spending winter break at home. This means when I say goodbye on May 30th, I’ll be saying goodbye until January 2015. When I thought about what to write as my last post for the year, it seemed fitting to write about my second home. Here are some things I’m saying “goodbye for now” to.

Savannah’s southern charm: When I first came to visit SCAD, I noticed the southern charm in Savannah right away. Whether it’s the older ladies walking through the squares in big hats on their way to their beautiful homes, the men singing music under the tunnel on River Street, or the way the locals seem to constantly be proud of their home and eager to show it off, there is so much about Savannah that makes it a charming and beautiful place to live. It’s hard to leave, because I have come to love this place, as much as it drives me crazy sometimes. I know I will be back, and that I’ll cherish it even more, but for now, I'll say goodbye.

Forsyth Park: The place of the Sidewalk Arts Festival, concerts, movies in the park, and the place I love to run around and people watch. Forsyth Park is one of, if not the most, beautiful places in Savannah, and I’ve recently discovered my absolute love for the Spanish moss covered trees, the secret garden, the fountain, and the abundance of people who come daily to enjoy the park, the green grass, the playground, and the sidewalks to run on. As I think about going to Hong Kong, I know that I won’t have a place just like Forsyth Park. I’m already looking forward to my first run at the park when I return, but right now it’s time to say goodbye.

The long walk up the hill to downtown: This is the first thing I can honestly say I won’t miss. Okay, maybe a little. The walk up the hill isn’t the best part of my day, but what’s at the top normally is. Whether I’m walking up to go shopping, out to eat, or to visit friends at O-House, there’s always a reward for walking up the long hill from Boundary Village. I’ll miss this walk just a little bit, but this could be the easiest thing for me to say goodbye to.

The bus system: Oh SCAD bus system, you drive me insane. When I found out there’s only one bus to get you to campus in Hong Kong, I was ecstatic. Life is going to be so much easier. I’ll miss the friendly bus drivers, the people watching, and the unexpected detours. Sometimes it is fun to ride the buses, but I really don’t mind saying goodbye for the next seven months.

Savannah at night: Whether I’m on River Street, Bay Street, in City Market, or walking any random street back from a house party, I love Savannah at night. It’s a whole different side of the city and the people who live here. Sure, it can be a little sketchy sometimes, but I have never had a bad experience. Because I stay well aware of my surroundings and stick with my group of friends, I stay safe. I’m really going to miss Savannah at nighttime. I’ll miss running into La Berry for late night fro-yo, or going into every single Savannah Candy Kitchen just to get praline samples. I’m going to miss First Friday Fireworks, and the view from River Street. I know that everything will be here when I get back, so I’ll suck it up and say goodbye.

Wonderful friends: I don’t know if y’all know, but my friends are the bee’s knees. They’re the cat’s meow. They’re the greatest thing since sliced bread. Whatever, they’re awesome. Oh my goodness I don’t want to leave my friends. Not one bit. I’m going to miss them like crazy. I know they’ll be here when I return (listen, none of you can go anywhere winter quarter.) but it’s so sad to leave them. We have the best times together, and I’m really going to miss everything about each and every one of you. A year ago I probably could have counted my friends on one hand, but today I think I could make a post that is just their names! I’m so blessed to have made such beautiful, creative, caring, and adventurous friends. I love each of you so much, and I’ll miss you terribly. I don’t want to say goodbye, but it’s just for now.

Tourists: The tourists in this town are something else. In Maine we obviously have a lot of tourists, but I’m from a really small town, so unless I go on a long drive to a popular area, I don’t really encounter many tourists. Savannah is a completely different story. Heck, I moved to a tourist town. We have trolley rides, so many sights to see, and even Paula Deen’s! I’m going to miss seeing the tourists’ look absolutely lost, and the joy on their face when I offer to help them flip their map the correct way so that they can find where they need to be. I’ll miss seeing the line at Lady and Son’s be so long, and wanting to run up to tell them a million non-touristy spots that are so delicious and have practically no line. This coming September, I suppose I’ll become a tourist in Hong Kong. So, goodbye Savannah tourists, it’s my turn now.

Delicious food: I love to eat. My friends love to eat. In fact, my dad once said to me, “you know, you can hangout with your friends and do something other than eat.” Sure dad, but that wouldn’t be any fun. There are so many great places in Savannah to eat, and I’m sure that by the time I graduate, I still will have missed out on a few! I like to be really adventurous and go to new places all the time. Next January when I get back, I want to try alligator. My friends say it tastes like chicken. I’ll miss all of the southern food chains, and late night runs to Sonic. Goodbye Savannah food, and goodbye Sonic.

My best friend: This is a hard one. Probably should have thrown this into my “wonderful friends” category to make it easier on everyone (including myself), but this girl deserves her own post. I’m really sad to leave my best friend. A little over a year ago I met this sweet southern girl from Alabama in my English class. I had just gone through the end of a friendship, and I was feeling pretty alone. She started to invite me to her dorm, and would invite me places when her and her friends were doing something. I didn’t know we were going to be close, but I guess you never really know. She has gotten me through some pretty rough moments this past year. I have incredible amounts of fun with her, and time flies by way too fast when we’re together. I drive her crazy with my insane stress levels, and she balances me out with her go with the flow attitude. Whether we’re on a long road trip to Alabama, eating buffalo shrimp at Stingray’s, or having a sleepover at her apartment, she makes life fun and super enjoyable. I could write about my best friend for hours, but I’ll cut myself off. The point is, I’m lucky to have you Emily, I love you so much, I had the best year with you, and I’m really going to miss you. I’ll see you soon so we can catch up on life while we eat food---as always. Goodbye, but just for now.

10 reasons why moms are the best

This year is my 20th birthday, so it’s also my moms 20th year being a mom. That’s a pretty big deal. At this point in my life she has probably helped me through every situation you can think of: school, jobs, friendships, relationships, and everywhere in between. I’m lucky to have such a fun relationship with my mom. In honor of Mothers Day, I want to share my top 10 reasons of why moms are the best. So to all the moms out there, Happy Mothers Day, we love you so much. 

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She literally never gets sick of your hugs and kisses: While boyfriends and your best friends eventually tell you to stop hugging them because they understand that you love them, your mom will never refuse a hug or kiss. I probably smother my mom way too much 99% of the time I’m around her, but she takes every hug and kiss like it’s the last one she’ll get. 

She tells you when something looks awful on you: If I need something for an important event or I have to go shopping for a lot of stuff, you better believe I’m bringing my mom. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought something makes me look like a goddess and my mom has told me the complete opposite. Thank goodness she’s there to help.

She always sides with you (unless it’s against her): If you have a problem with a girl at school, she has a problem with her too. If you breakup with your boyfriend, your mom definitely doesn’t like him as much as she used to (she’s too nice to hate him as much as you do.) But don’t even try to argue with your mom, because she’s ALWAYS right. Seriously, I know it’s hard to admit, but it’s true.

She makes the most delicious food ever: Mom, if you’re reading this… Please send me some of your blueberry crumb cake. SO GOOD. Seriously, I don’t know what it is, but moms seem to have some special ingredient in every single one of their dishes! Everything they cook is delicious and on top of that, they’re the only one who seems to know the correct ratio of lemonade mix to water.

She takes care of you when you’re sick: Mom gives me chicken noodle soup, takes me on trips to the doctors, and comes running downstairs when I yell “MOM!” in the middle of the night. I don’t know how she does it, but I thank God every day that she does. Even when I’m sick all the way down here at college, if I need her at 3 am to diagnose me over the phone, she will.

She is proud to be herself: My mom is so proud to be herself! And I am so proud to have her as my role model. We’re all still a little self-confident with our bodies, and we’re all still a little cautious of how we look in pictures before they end up on social media. Not mom, she could care less. She’s proud of her stretch marks from carrying me for nine months, she knows she’s beautiful without makeup, and she’s proud of who she is. I see it. When she solves a math problem at the kitchen table, I can hear that little victory song that she dances to because she feels that much more accomplished. My mom rocks. 

She compliments you and is 100% truthful: Sometimes friends will tell you that you look great just to get you out of the house. Mom tells you that you look great because you do. If you look bad, she’s going to tell you, but when she compliments you, she goes all out. She honestly knows you are the most beautiful girl she has ever seen. It’s not a lie, she’s not just saying it to make you feel better; she knows you’re gorgeous.

She will drop everything just to hear your voice: This hit me just a couple of weeks ago when I called my mom on a school night. I think it was a Thursday. She was sitting at the table eating dinner and the dog was pushing his nose against her leg and she had book club in twenty minutes and she could have easily told me to call her later. But she didn’t. She stayed on the phone and talked to me for ten minutes in between bites of her salad just to hear every little detail about my day.

She encourages you to follow your dreams: She sees the college tuition bills come rolling in. She sees how much money you spend on supplies and books. She sees how passionate you are that you’ll stand in the rain for six hours at SCAD Style to see your favorite designer. She loves everything about your dreams. If there’s one person who is always going to tell you that you’re doing the right thing in life and that you should never give up, it’s your mom.

She's there when nobody else is: Sometimes I just want to curl up on the couch with my mom and watch Ridiculousness all afternoon. Most of the time this is by choice, but sometimes it's my only option because it feels like I have nobody else. When you feel alone and left out, know that your mom is there. It may sound so cheesy because duh she’s there, she has to be. But it’s not about the fact that she has to be. She wants to be there. She’s your shoulder to cry on and she’s more than okay with that. There is never a time in your life where you won’t be able to count on your mom to just be there.